I have always been passionate about designing and making meaningful gifts and keepsakes and was very fortunate to able to start my own business. Lauren Nicole Gifts (name after my niece) was started in 2004 and was a great way for me to have my own business, but still move around as an Army wife. My husband recently retired from the Army and we are now permanently located in Ouray, Colorado

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

If I Could Turn Back Time

We have these rickety chairs at our breakfast table. The proportions aren’t right, making the chairs tippy when pushed back. Or when a toddler climbs into them.

Our two-year-old, in his short life, has knocked the chairs over, pulled one over on top of himself, and tipped backwards while sitting in one. My kids love to play under the table, too, and about once a week I hear, “Whoa... whoa..." Followed by, CRASH! Followed by, “Sorry, Mommy. I tried to scoot the chair out of my way and it fell over. Again.”

These chairs have taken years off of my life. I’m guessing if the original plan was for me shake hands with Jesus when I'm 90, I’ll now be lucky to make it to 53.


Except, it appears that I have unwittingly tapped into a fountain of youth this summer. I believe I’m getting younger, and to prove it, I give you the following.

Sign #1 that I am younger than my 37 years: The Rash.

You’re thinking, *Ew, is she really going to tell us about a rash?* You bet I am.

The first week of June I noticed some odd spots on my abs (please picture Jillian Michaels while you read this; my abs are nearly identical). I didn’t think much of the spots at first. I’m a mother with tippy breakfast room chairs, and I don’t have time to dwell.

But a week later, when the spots multiplied, making baby spots all over my torso, I decided to dwell just a bit. Tippy chairs, be damned. It was time to see a professional.

Turns out I had pityriasis rosea, a harmless ailment that typically effects people between the ages of 10 and 35. Hear that? 35. Beat the curve by two years on that one.

Sign #2 that I’m reverse aging: Acne.

You’re thinking, Really? More gross skin stuff? Yep. Really. Although I promise it’s not that gross. Annoying, yes. Gross? I don’t think so.

As long as I was at the dermatologist for my youthful rash, I decided to point out that my skin, typically so smooth and porcelain, now featured a bit more topography. I had pimples. Not giant, adolescent eruptions or anything, but definitely a breakout.

She prescribed some heavy-duty retinol, and gave me this special card to hand the pharmacist, explaining, “Your insurance company might not like this prescription, because insurance doesn’t accept that anyone over 29 can have acne. Give the pharmacist this special card if you have trouble.”

Anyone over 29? Beat the curve by almost a decade on this one.

Sign #3 that I’m getting younger: I Was Carded.

At Target. Buying a couple bottles of Cupcake Vineyards wine.

The checker appeared to have just said, “Goodbye training wheels, hello training bra!” I assumed that she would take one look at me and say a silent prayer, thanking God that she is not yet some sad, old housewife buying wine at Target.

Instead? She carded me. I kissed her, tears welling in my eyes, and said, “Thank you, dear child. For you have made my day.”

Fortunately, the security guard was also a woman of some maturity. When I explained the situation, all charges were dropped. And? Beat the curve by 16 years, baby.

Now, if I can just get some new breakfast room chairs, I might be able to cheat death entirely.

***For those who are now hung up on this rash - you know who you are, my fellow hypochondriacs - it did exactly what the doctor and the 27 websites I consulted said it would. It hung around for about five weeks and then disappeared, causing me very little discomfort in the process.

This guest post was written by Missy, a fabulous writer who blogs about her life, motherhood and everything in between at Wonder Friend. Be sure to give her a follow and find her on Twitter as well.


Missy@Wonder, Friend said...

Thank you so much for having me! I'm thrilled to kick off your guest post series.

angela said...

Look younger, one skin ailment at a time! (there's a slogan in there, I just know it)

You made me giggle with your carding story :)

I'm Jennifer. said...

Love it! I love when good writing and funny writing collide :)
Glad the rash cleared up. I too have crappy kitchen chairs. Also I have adult acne, which I fret about much more than my chairs. It's rather unfair to be 40something with skin of a teenager. Unless it makes me look younger, then yeay for me!

Sherri said...

Oh Missy, I hear ya on the acne thing! What the heck? And the few times I've been carded I almost kissed the cashier.

Yes, when you are almost 47 it's THAT big of a deal.

Hopes said...

Oh I'm loving this! LOVING IT!! I too have some strange reappearance of acne. What? The first time around wasn't enough??

Oh it makes my day to be carded. Absolutely makes my day!!

Thanks for the smile today Missy!

Nichole said...

Love this, Missy!
And getting carded is truly my favorite thing EVER!

Snowmanlover said...

Very cute! I didn' think you had a two year old unless it was one of the pups! TFS!

KLZ said...

I've found that buying wine can really make or break your day....cashier dependent.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

OMG. I laughed so hard I just totally peed my pants. Missy, you are the best!! So excited to meet Lauren Nicole too! xoxoxo

Julie said...

My sister had that SAME rash and I think she was like eight years old at the time (so you both are total overachievers).

I've never heard of anyone else who's had it (nor have I seen it spelled, just pronounced many times as the sad, strange name for the ugliness on Nancy).

Despite your skin issues AND odds-defying youthfulness, I'd share a bottle (or two) of
Cupcake wine with you any day.

Name the time and place. We can even sit on a couch so we don't tip over...

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