To Put It Simply: "Taxes SUCK!"

My dream of having a nice relaxing weekend came to a screeching halt when I watched the Fedex truck back into my driveway on the 15th and saw the driver unloading tax files.

I spent all weekend doing tax returns. Yes, I know they were due on April 15th, but most of my relatives think that means they can overnight all of their boxes of crap to me on the 15th. I can’t get them to understand that taxes are DUE on the 15th and that it usually takes more than a few seconds to do all those tax returns.

Why is it that when I do all of my relative’s tax returns they get huge refunds and I always owe? I think my whole family should be able to file one giant combined tax return and then divide up the refund equally. I am all for “fair and equal taxes” and I think this would work out the best for me.

Note to Family: NO, you cannot deduct squeaky toys, dog food, and kitty litter. I know you all have enough pets to stock a pet store, but that doesn’t mean you get the same deductions as a pet store. I am also pretty sure you cannot deduct speeding tickets, parking tickets, or fines for flying through a toll booth and not realizing that your “prepaid” toll pass has a zero balance.

With that said I would like to propose a change to the tax law. I think you should be able to claim your dog as a dependant if he sleeps in your bed and takes up more space than a person.